January 8, 2011 by Mark Lidstone

Never

Final entry in this series. Read the first one, “One Week Ago”, here

She was punishing me. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. She wouldn’t let me rest. Even when she wasn’t there I was looking for her. Listening for the sound of the rocking chair. I knew what she wanted. I had to take responsibility for my actions. Turn myself in.

I went to the police. I told them everything. I told them I killed my wife and where I buried her body. I told them why I did it and how, but not what happened after. They would never believe me. They would think I was crazy. I’m not.

They immediately locked me up. I was thrown in a holding cell with men as disgusting as myself. Until, one day, they let me go. Not only did they not have evidence to support the case, there was no case. There was no body in my backyard, they probably didn’t check the rocking chair. Not only that, they told me there was no record of a missing person fitting my description or of me ever being married at all. Nothing made sense. They sent me home.

I walked into my house unsure of anything. Why would they say that? I examined my walls. There were no pictures of her, no proof that she even existed. I checked my closet, only my clothes. None of hers. I threw myself onto my bed and gripped a pillow. How could she not exist? I remembered everything about her. I couldn’t sleep; couldn’t think. I could just lay there listening to the creaking of the rocking chair.